Say What?


Charlottans – that’s you guys!

Bev – gov of the Old North State

RIP Bo’Jakles – interception-throwing quarterback of your Carolina Panthers.

David Thompson – the greatest man who ever lived. EVER.

Gabby – former sorority sister, former roommate, and current best friend/soulmate.  Recently she moved to Boone.  Because she’s a whore.

George and Ted – cofounders of The Charlotte Blog (yea, I did that just to annoy you). I only anonymize them when occasion demands.

Ghosthunter – my very first friend at the University of Charlotte. She likes ghosties.

Kate – overachieving high school friend who also left Pittsburgh to live in a small southern city.  Respect.

Kirkley Fan– former sorority sister, Ohio friend, and obnoxious fan of Brandon Kirkley’s goings on.

Lake Norman Larry – an upwardly mobile mistake I once made.

La’Nolan – former sorority sister, Boston friend, and reality show waiting to happen.

Local Celebs – the only kind worth keeping up with (and stalking occassionally). Includes but not limited to: Brotha Fred, Sarah Aarthun, David Thompson, Britney Cason, The Ken, Rev. Rob of Apple Auto Sales, Preacher Gary, MoFo, Chilly Willy, etc.

LoL cats – Sirr Purr and McSkat Cat

Lynn – overachieving high school friend.

McSkat Cat – Charlotte Bobcat’s mascot, Rufus.  He’s creepies.

The Musician– a brutally honest mistake I once made.

Nines and Corbers – married friends.  Sometimes referred to as my Charlottefamily.

Rasputin – My three legged, naked tailed pekingese. He’ll fuck you up.

RHPs – rogue helicopter pilots, you know, crazies.

The Govenor – conservative fiancee of Gabby.

RoboPat – mayor McCrory

Skylar – former sorority sister and co-innercircle resident.

Texas Lexi – Meck’s shiner swillin, cowboy boot wearin big sister.


RIP 1993 Crackberry – this is how I tweet on the go.  It’s like, so retro. And weighs 10 lbs.

RIP Biznass lunches – where serious biznass is discussed. Or the hour I spend each afternoon tweeting at my desk whilst eating a chic-fil-a #5 combo with BBQ sauce.

CLCTP – Chameleon Lemonheaded Coward Terrorist Pussy, an insult originally contrived by the great David Thompson and reserved only for the most ridiculous of Charlottan behavior

Charlotte – the queen city, the qc, chatown, crown town, sim city, gotham, best. city. ever., or you know, home.

RIP Flavia – crack laced coffee products available at my place of employment.

Focks Charlotte – Fox News.  See also: the suck.

RIP G Lappy – my 2006 Gateway laptop.  That overheats every two hours. And gets viruses.  And cow surveys. And weighs 15lbs. And pisses off Mac lovers everywhere. #love

KUWTB lessons – follow these easy lessons and you will be Keeping Up with the Belks in no time. Or you will just be a douche.

Lappy 2.0 – red, shiny, dell studio with windows 7. It cost $100. suck on that, losers.

Lick – what you do to things that are tasty, like my posts.

Lists –1) the best things ever
2) where would my life be without them?
3) I can’t adequately describe how much I love them

RIP The Napoli Express Pizza Truck – a shining beacon of hope to the weary. The Napoli Express pizza truck is out every Friday and Saturday night on the corner of 5th and Graham humming a hymn of joy and promising sweet salvation to the tired and intoxicated.

Texting – something I abhor but begrudgingly accept as a consequence of modern life.

The Inner Circle – Uptown.  Also, where the cool kids live. Also, where the cool kids work.  Also, your mom.

The Observer – my arch nemesis.

The Red Line – my Gold Rush line of choice. Now replaced by the Nugget! Go Niners!

The Swamp – Lake Norman

The Teet – Charlotte’s favorite grocery store.  I didn’t invent the term, but I feel obligated to state whose side I’m on (sorry harry peter fans)

The Tower of Power – the shiny new Wellschovia Duke Energy building. Desiree Kane called it Voltron. And thus it was, and shall be, forever and ever, amen.

TnT – Trade and Tryon.  See also: where the magic happens.

To Dos – yearly list created by Meck and never completed.

Uniform of Life – my favorite outfit. Navy sweatpants and a charity t-shirt. I wear it too often.  And by too often, I mean anytime I’m not working or outside of my apartment or otherwise bound by social expectations.

Wachy– pronounced wacky. See also: Wellschovia


Ballantyne – where you pay mortgage on your townhome.

Derita – pssssshhhhhhh where?

Dilworth– where you drink wine and walk your dog

Elizabeth – where you drink PBRs at Jack’s.

Myers Park: where you make it rain.

NoDa– where you eat Amelies (yep, that’s all i’m giving it).Now where you run into Me(ck)!

Plaza/Midwood – where you wear tights or tight jeans.

Southend: where you take the light rail.

University City – where the lepers live.

Uptown – where you observe the cranes in their natural habitat.

Wesley Heights – where you get robbed.